Random Stories About Dilly
by Delphiniums Blue
Summary: To sum it up, random and funny storries about Dilly. Enjoy!
1. Dilly & The Squirrel

**Random Stories About Dilly**

**Dilly and the Squirrel**

**By Xanthia Nightshade & her friend, Dilly**

One day Dilly was walking through the dungeons of Zaibach after a hard days work of torturing victims whose heads contained vital information for the Zaibach progression in the food chain of Gaia, he came unexpectedly into the gardens.

In the middle of a patch of grass, sat, a……"SQUIRREL!"

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single pyromaniac psychopath, who is in possession of a good flamethrower, must be absolutely petrified of squirrels. For no particular reason

Dilly knew this had to be some sort of joke, no pets were allowed in the Vione, so he drew his twin katana and went on a killing spree, killing everyone who got in his way, until he found the person he was searching for.

"FOLKEN!" Folken looked genuinely scared, Dilly was in one of his 'moods', oh dear.

As Folken was about to say something that would get Dilly out of this particular one, he was interrupted.

"FOLKIE! THERESASQUIRRELINTHEGARDENANDIDONTKNOWWHATTODOCANYOUGETITOUT?" He whined, scaring Folken even more than he already was.

"Could you repeat that please?" Asked Folken timidly. "There…is…a…squirrel…in…the…garden…can…you…get…it...out!" said a very pathetic Dilly.

Folken sighed with relief, good, it was just a squirrel.

"Okay, Dilandau. Show me where it is."

As they walked to the garden, Folken saw a lot more mutilated corpses strewn around the place than usual. Great, he thought to himself, more paper work.

Whet they got to the garden, Dilandau led him to the place where he had seen the 'squirrel', but there was a problem. The 'squirrel' was nowhere to be seen!

"Folkie, where do you think it's gone?" whispered a very distressed Dilly.

"I expect that it's just gone home, Dilandau." replied Folken, quite relieved that he didn't have to deal with it.

"Shhh, whisper." said Dilly, "It could be hiding near by." and with that he took out his flame thrower meanwhile laughing manically burnt everything to a sinder. Folken looked around at the scorched garden and sighed.

"Dilandau, I think we are going to have to have you put in therapy again."

My friend and I wrote this, so I would like to dedicate it to her. This is going to be a collection of short, funny stories about Dilly. Sorry if anyone who is reading this and they think this is an update on Of Guns & Roses. I'm still working on a plot for that. Please review on your way out or Dilly will burn you too!

- Xanthia Nightshade


	2. Dilly & Mr Bunnykins

**Random Stories About Dilly**

**By Xanthia Nightshade & Dilly**

**Story 2: Dilandau and Mr Bunnykins**

Dilandau walked into a room and saw the Dragon Slayers all huddled together around something.

"Hello, worthless bums." He said nonchalantly.

No one answered.

"Hello?" said Dilly, slightly louder than the last time, just in case they hadn't heard him.

"It's tail is soooo fluffy!" cued Gatti.

"ANWSER ME GOD DAMMIT!" yelled Dilly very angrily.

The Dragon Slayers turned around to see Dilly in such a pickle that his face almost matched his eyes in colour. In-between Chester and Miguel, Dilandau caught sight of something fluffy.

"What Is that?" asked Dilly nervously.

"This, Dilandau-sama," answered Chester "is Mr. Bunnykins!

Chesta held out a cute fluffy rabbit to Dilandau.

" Isn't he just the sweetest, Dilandau-sama? And his ickle tail!" said Chester in something that sounded very suspiciously like baby language.

"It's…..a…..BUNNY!" yelled Dilandau in a mixture of relief and surprise. Thank God it wasn't a squirrel. Then a rather nasty idea popped into Dilly's head. Nothing better that a cute furry animal for flamethrower practice! As you can see, it was a very nasty idea!

Dilandau reached for his flamethrower and yelled "GET OUT OF THE WAY WORTHLESS BUMS OR YOU WILL BE SCORCHED TOO! MUHAHAHAHAHA!"

All the Dragon Slayers jumped out of the way except Chester who dived in front of Mr Bunnykins and shouted,

"No, Dilandau-sama, let him live. I'll make sure you will never see him again!"

But it was too late, Dilandau had already pulled the trigger and there was a sudden burst of flames. He was caught up in the heat of the moment and didn't realise what had happened until he saw Mr Bunnykins and Chester's burnt corpses fall off the wall leaving an unburnt patch in the shape of what had been their bodies. Dilandau walked over the cadavers, looked at them and shrugged.

"Oh well," he said in an emotionless tone, "he was beginning to annoy me anyway." and with that he walked out the room and left the Dragon Slayers gaping.

**Chocolate-Covered-Coffee-Beans: Thanks, I'm glad you like my stories. I love yours, when is Sweet Sixteen going to be updated? I love that one! I shall try to write the next chapter for Of Guns & Roses soon! I love you! (not literately!)**

Maybe not as funny as the last one, but oh well. I'm thinking of having the next one when Dilly is in therapy. What do you think? You'll have to review!

Xanthia Nightshade


	3. Dilly & The Shrink

Hey guys! sorry about the delay, I've kinda been buisy. School and all... Anywho, here's the next chapter!

Xanthia Nightshade

* * *

There could not have been a more ridiculous setting.

Folken was sitting on a chair holding a note pad and pen beside, Dilly who was lying on a couch, flame thrower and all. The room was dark because Dilly had insisted that the curtains be shut for some reason or another.

"So, Dilandau. Why do you think you're here today?" asked Folken passively. Personally, he thought this was a waist of his valuable time, but Dornkirk said that it had worked for him, do it would work for Dilandau. Yeah right.

"I dunno." shrugged Dilly "I guess it's because of that time last Wednesday when I killed Miguel, or was it Chester? Their faces all look the same after while…" Folken sighed.

"Both, you killed Chester on Wednesday, and Miguel yesterday."

"Oh yeah, sorry. I have a bad memory." Apologised the pyro. Folken sweat dropped.

"So, how do you feel about that?" Asked Folken, it wasn't his fault, the only training in psychology was watching Freaky Friday, which he had stolen from Hitomi when she wasn't looking. Anyway, he loved the movie, it just cracked him up. Especially when Tess was telling Anna how to be a psychologist 20 seconds. He silently chuckled, anyway that was a good deal more training than anyone else had on the Vione.

"About what?" asked Dilly. Folken frowned

"Sorry?"

" You asked me how I felt, and I asked you about what." Said Dilly, most uncharacteristically calmly.

"Oh, how do you feel about killing people?" questioned Folken.

"Um, OK, as long as you don't tell anyone else," said the pyro. He sat up, and Folken leaned closer, "I've never told anyone else this, but when I kill, I get this warm fuzzy feeling inside of me, you know."

"No, I don't." said Folken, sincerely.

"Oh, it's just me then."

"Just you."

"I'm glad, my Mummy always said I was special."

"You never had a mother, Dilandau."

"Yes I did!" argued Dilly, " Just no one but me could see her."

"And how do you feel about that?" asked Folken again.

"Hmmm, that's a hard one, well…

_**1 hour later…**_

"And that's when I think my abandonment issues started." Finished Dilly. Folken was board. If he said 'And how do you feel about that?' one more time he'd take a leaf out of Dilandau's book and burn everyone and everything to a sinder. Then a fantastic idea stuck him full on in the face.

" Excuse me Dilandau, I'll just be outside for a few minuets, OK? I just need to do something."

"Don't leave me! I have abandonment issues you know!" said a desperate Dilly.

"Don't worry, it'll only be a minuet. I promise." Smiled Folken. He got up and left the moaning pyro. He walked into his office and rummaged through the draws of his desk. His hand closed on something, got it. He picked up the Dictaphone. This was another thing which he had stolen from Hitomi. Ha, that girl just left her stuff all around the place! And she thought no one would steel it? He pressed record and said:

"And how do you feel about that?" Then left it for about 30 seconds the pressed stop. He pushed play and it Dictaphone repeated "_And how do you feel about that?"_. He rewound it then set it on repeat. He smiled.

He entered the room to se a relieved looking Dilly.

"Thank god your back, I'd started to worry you'd left me, like everyone else, I don't know what I'd of done if you'd done that…" trailed off the pyro.

"Don't worry, I'm back." Said Folken. "Now, where were we?" and Dilly was off into his speech of how he was misunderstood, and that he was a victim. When he'd finally finished Folken pressed the play button and his plan was now in action. Dilly was talking again, but somehow his voice was strangle lethargic, and calming…

_**Some random time later…**_

"Folken? FOLKEN?"

"Ah!" yelled Folken, then he saw who it was, "Oh, Dilandau, it's you. How do you feel?" asked the stratagos.

" Much better," replied the pyro, "I really feel I've got a lot of things off my chest. We'll have to do this again sometime, Folken."

" Yes, yes of course. Anytime you want to talk, just pop in, Dilandau." Folken said, the young pyromaniac hadn't noticed he'd been asleep for the last, her checked his watch, hour and a half! Dilly had sat there and talked his heart away for an hour and a half while Folken had slept like a baby. Pity, thought the Stratagos, there would probably have been some good blackmail material, but I guess you can't have it all.

"Good, good." Said Dilandau, "Bye!" and he left.

* * *

Yeah, I know. Not as funny as the last ones, but hey, i've been a bit frazzled (is that even a word?) and out of ideas. 

Please review!


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